Paddle all around...

So Today was Grace's first time in a canoe. Neal was so proud and he was grinning from ear to ear. He has been asking me since she was born when we could take her out in it. So today I finally gave in and I am so glad I did! We saw all kinds of wildlife like turtles, ducks, geese and a water snake. Neal pointed them all out to Grace...it was great. It warmed my heart knowing that Grace will always grow up with an appreciation of nature. In reality nature is what brought Neal and I together in Yellowstone. Life really is full circle.

In other news I am headed to my parents for a while to visit. Neal is staying at the house since one of us has to make some money. This will be his first time away from Grace and he is really going to miss her. I promised I would e-mail pictures daily. I doubt I will be able to update the blog since my parents live on 27 acres in the mountains and can only have dial up. But if you are lucky you might get some audioblogs to tell you about our adventures. Hope to talk to you all soon!

Baby yoga...

Strechhhhh.....

So Grace's new discovery...her feet. It seems that she just now realized these two things are attached to her and it is her mission in life to try and eat them. It must be a challenge but one she is up for. She really is quite flexible. I am exhausted from chasing Grace all over the house and it feels like all I ever say is "no, no Grace". It wouldn't suprise me if that is her first word. :o)

Audioblogger!!! I now can post my voice on my blog...not sure why I would want to but it is still cool!!! Click here to learn how!

Rub a dub dub...

Grace in the tub! She has really learned to love the bath! Although my back is killing me from leaning over to wash her. She likes to splash the water everywhere and try to eat her rubber ducky.
There is not a better smell in this world than a baby right after a bath. I could just eat her up!! Not much else going on the Stevenson household. It really is the little things that make my day great. :o)

Check this out! This is the coolest thing! Make sure you listen to the music with the video. :o)

Look what I can't do....

Okay so can you tell which cake I made and which cake a professional made? I know its tough...

So Neal's mom helped direct a wedding this weekend in Clemson and she was in charge of picking up the cake. She put an order in to also pick up a cake for Neal and I. This just happened to be the same lady that made Neal and I's wedding cake. And let me just tell you that it is by far the BEST cake I have ever had. Amanda do you remember from the wedding?! Okay stupid question...Amanda was eitheir at the bar or on the dance floor during the reception so I am pretty sure she wouldn't remember the cake. You'll just have to take my word for it. This one has a layer of red velvet (my favorite) and a layer of chocolate (Neal's favorite) covered in buttercream frosting. Mmmmmmmmmm......Okay so I can't believe I have talked about cake this whole time. So in other news, Grace did a bit of baby modeling for Molly today at the church. She had a booth at an marketplace selling her beautiful smocked outfits and her jewlery. So Grace sported her Molly Myer original Easter dress. She definitely kept a crowd at the booth. Like I have said before it is such a shame to keep all this cuteness to just Neal and I...it needs to be shared. Love to all!!!

Ridin' in style AND safety...

Well Grace has graduated to the big girl car seat. Believe it or not she has still been in her infant car seat all this time. Her legs had started to press against the back of the seat and she had to bend her little knees. I swear one day when I went to get her out of the car she looked at me with the most readable expression I have ever seen on any 9 month old. If she could have talked she would have said, "HELLO! Are you ever going to get me another car seat?! My legs are starting to cramp up from having them bent for the last hour." So I promptly came inside and ordered her the fanciest and safest car seat I could find. I probably spent entirely too much but it was Consumer Reports top pick for safest car seat...I truly am my dad's daughter. You see he purchases just about everything according to Consumer Reports ratings. Got to love him! So 7 days later here it is!

Now I know what your thinking...why is she strapped into while still in the house? Well that because it sat in the living room for a week before Neal and I even attempted to install it. It took that long just to get through the damn manual. So when it came time to finally put it in we picked the hottest day of the year. Picture it...Sun beating down, Neal on one side and me on the other, cusswords exchanged followed by, "Didn't you read the damn manual! Jesus! ". After 45 minutes and about a gallon of sweat, success followed by, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you that. I love you." Thank goodness one of us is level headed.

Grace happy after her nap :o)

Rain and hugs...

Chocolate pudding anyone?


Grace and I went to the pediatrician's yesterday morning for her 9 month check up. This was Grace's favorite appointment so far. No shots!!!!!!!! Although just before the doctor leaves the room she says to me, "See you in three months for her 1 year checkup. Ooh that appointment will be rough, she has to get her MMR (Measles Mumps Rubella) shot. That one is the worst and is pretty painful." I quickly cover Grace's ears and think to myself...who says that to a first time parent?! Like I don't worry about these visits enough, now I have the shot of doom to dwell on for the next 3 months. Greaattt....Maybe I will sneak in a Peach Scnapps soaked washrag for Grace to suck on (thanks Tiff) that should numb the pain. Well Grace weighs in at 15.2 pounds. That equals to the 25 percentile for breastfed babies. She is just our little petite and spunky girl.
Neal bought a MP3 player yesterday. Coolest thing ever! He downloaded all his music off the computer. I took Grace on a walk yesterday while listening to music and now I fit in with all the cool kids. On campus just about every student walk to class with one of these. The only difference between me and the cool kids...I am pushing a stroller. Another reminder that times have changed.

It is storming like crazy this morning. So we are holed up watching cartoons and drinking coffee (not Grace that is). The dogs are at my feet and Grace is in my lap. Full house here at the Stevenson household but that is just the way I like it. Here's to rainy lazy days. :o)

Happy Easter!

It was a beautiful day here for Easter. We had church and then Gramma Joan came over for lunch. There was turnip greens, homemade mac and cheese, fried squash, pot roast and Key Lime pie for desert. Mmmm...so full. Molly has been working on Grace's Easter dress for weeks and she finally got to wear it today. It is so cute!!! I told Molly she needed to quit her job and just smock baby clothes for a living. I alone could probably keep her in business...I already have another order in for a sundress for Grace. I know, I know...spoiled.

In other news Grace's tooth is still cutting and let me just tell you that teething is a special kind of hell. It is not so bad during the day but I dread nighttime. I should have known that she was sleeping way to well and at night and I was due for some sleepless nights. Well she only has about 20 or so more teeth to go. So I figure I will get some sleep by the time she is 5. So send some sleepy thoughts Grace's way. Love to all!

Grace, another frog and a girl...

So we went to another concert at the park last night and Grace got to meet the girl fron, Glenda. That's right Glen and Glenda the frogs. Only in Rock Hill! While romping on her quilt Grace met up with another baby. But this one is a girl named Natalie and she is 8 months old. Grace really liked to play with a baby that can't run away from her. They had the Winthrop African Drum Ensemble playing which Grace really enjoyed. She danced a lot!!! Neal says she liked the music because she was in a few drum circles with her hippy mommy while she was in my tummy! She felt right at home...

Grace, a frog and a boy...

Well Grace experienced her first life size frog. Now I have heard horror stories from other moms about how their kids screamed bloody murder when they saw life size animals but Grace was suprisingly curious. She was fascinated by his big eyes and laughed at him a lot. Now you may ask where did we see a life size frog, well it is Rock Hill's spring festival called "Come See Me". The mascot....Glen the frog. As if the frog wasn;t enough Grace had her first date with a boy. His name is Jonah and he is 2 years old. I guess Grace is like Mommy and likes older men. Dear lord... Here are some pictures from our afternoon. She is such a hapy baby!

Happy Grace after waking up from her nap.

Too cool for school!

Uggggggggggg.........

Sorry I haven't updated the blog in a few days. I have not felt 100% and unfortunately Grace doesn't understand why Mommy hasn't felt like playing. She looks at me so funny when we are in her room playing as I am sprawled out on the floor trying not to pass out since I do have a baby to watch. This is the first time I have not felt well since she has been born and it just hit me...what do Moms do when they are sick?! I still have to function as I do everyday, picking her up, putting her down, etc.... Poor Neal when he walks in the door I pass her off like a football in the final play of the Super Bowl. He is so good. As you can see in the picture above she looks happy to be with Daddy.

So today I decided getting outside might make me feel like a person again. So neighbors Steve and Susan and Molly came over today for a round of croquet. There's nothing like kicking everyone's ass in croquet to make you feel better! Grace had her usual seat for the game, in the playpen. She likes to cheer for Mommy. :o)

Also big news in Grace's world. She is cutting her first tooth! It is so cute but quite elusive. I tried to snap a picture of it but she is pretty darn quick to close her mouth. And I learned the hard way not to stick my finger in there to feel it unless I use my cat like reflexes. She bit down on my finger yesterday and I can't believe it didn't draw blood. As soon as I can get a picture I'll be sure to post it. Alright I am going to pass out. Love to all!

Goodbye...

From left: Dr. Bob, Jerry, Neal and Dicky kayaking the Green River May 2004

We found out today our friend Jerry lost his battle to ALS and passed away at 10:07 this morning. His wife said that he got his wish and died peacefully with his family by his side. He suffered for long enough and now I know he his happy and at peace. Jerry wrote and e-mail Saturday to everyone and entitled it, "This may be my last e-mail"... and it was. Please send your thoughts and prayers out to his family and friends, as they are grieving terribly. These are Jerry's words...


This may be my last email....

This week, I have endured torture worse than anything you can imagine. The ALS
started producing massive quantities of thick, rubber cement consistency mucous
in my throat. Every time I tried to eat solid food, within a few minutes I
would start to choke.

Because of my weakened diaphragm, I can't cough well. Coughing anything all the
way out is virtually impossible. Moving air in or out is difficult. Combine
that with a plug of mucous that is totally blocking the throat, and you have the
recipe for suffering.

Several times during the past several days, I thought I was gonna choke to
death, but I managed to fight through the event.

That is not the way I want to go...

The Hospice team has been trying mightily to manage these symptoms. They've had
me on several types of nebulizers with medications to thin secretions, I've been
taking oral medicine also designed for the same purpose. Every attempt ended up
in failure.

The goal of Hospice is to help their patients to be comfortable and at peace,
and to die with dignity and without suffering. Yesterday, they called and made
a statement: "We've tried everything we can come up with, collaborated with
numberous physicians, and we feel like we've attempted every option for you to
remain at home. We have a Hospice inpatient facility named Solice, and we
recommend that you go there."

Meanwhile, I had a plan...Friday, I quit eating solid food. Yesterday
(Saturday), after enduring another of the endless choking and gagging events
after taking 3 sips of Ensure, I decided to quit trying to consume anything
other than tea. I quit taking several nebulizer drugs that were causing
bronchospasms which resulted in an inability to sleep at night. I continue to
take the oral medicine, which does thin the secretions, but I changed the
schedule to every 4 hours (rather than every 6) to get a more steady dose level.

The plan has resulted in my being much more comfortable. I still cough, but I
rarely choke. Because I'm consuming a pretty high amount of clear fluid, the
mucous has thinned significantly - making it easier to swallow.

Last night (Saturday), I took a very small dose of morphine, and slept better
than I had in a week - no waking up in sudden suffocation because the ALS had
snuck in and placed concrete in my airway.

Hopefully, today and tonight will be the same.

My sister Jodie, arrived here yesterday to help Brid deal with the inumerable
challenges that face us.

Tomorrow, the Hospice nurse will be here early. My intention is to go to the
Solice center. I'll have a very detailed conversation (by talking keyboard)
with their clinicians about a plan to help me get more relief from the constant
coughing and attempting to clear my airways. This may entail giving me more
morphine by a more direct route than oral (subcutaneous or IV).

The time has come for me to be comfortable. I've fought this disease with every
ounce of energy I can find. I've spent my life treating my body like God
instructs us: Like a temple. I continue to do so. From day one, I've chosen
to forego many invasive procedures that are purported to bring relief from the
relentless onslaught of ALS. My reasoning for this is that I have an intuitive
mind that tells me that for all the "miracles" of science, there has been no
relief found with this disease.

Having a tracheostomy doesn't stop the choking. Having a feeding tube placed in
your stomach doesn't stop mucous from developing in your throat. Being on a
ventilator is more like being in prison, in my mind. None of these things do
anything more than prolong the agony.

I've found a great deal of peace with my decision to die naturally and without
the immense suffering I've endured. My hope is that the Solice clinicians can
keep me comfortable. Really, it has been about 6 months since I've been that
way.

I know God is within me. I can feel His presence, and he answered a very
important prayer for me to get some relief from suffering yesterday. And I know
Heaven is getting very close. About 2 weeks ago, I had a dream: A man who I
didn't recognize told me, "look for the light". I searched for a star or some
other form of light, but I couldn't see anything. The man then said to me,
"It's just beyond the horizon.". I then understood it was Jesus talking to me.
He looked similar to art depictions of Him, but not exactly. I realized then,
that my time was not yet done on Earth.

But it's getting closer...Over the days or weeks, I'm going to gradually weaken.
My neck has been attacked so relentlessly by the ALS that I can hardly hold my
head up. I can still walk, but barely. Hopefully, I'll rest comfortably, sleep
well, and make the journey to Heaven in a very peaceful way.

I'm ready to be free of suffering, anguish, weakness, and the discomfort of
living here. I'm ready to go to a place of beauty beyond description in human
terms. I envision that place as much like Earth, only perfect. There, I'll be
able to commune with family, friends, God, and Jesus. There will be Perfect
Peace.

I'm going to miss my greatest blessing here, though - my friends. You have all
been a blessing to me.

I'm going to miss my wife who has been an angel on earth to me. I'm going to
miss my sister Jodie for her faithfullness in caring for Brid and I. I'm going
to miss Brid's family because they've all accepted me and loved me as one of
their own.
I'm going to miss my sister, Julie, for her turning to God and helping to show
me His way. I'm going to miss my dad because he's been a good one.

I'm going to miss my coworkers at the Macon County Public Health Center for
their being more like family. I'm going to miss my adopted momma, Fannie,
because over the years she has done many things to bouy my spirit and show me
the beauty of living simply.

But time will pass in "the blink of an eye" and we'll all be together again.

I love you all beyond my ability to explain,

Jerry

Ps: Many of you will want to call me or plan an immediate visit. Please
respect my wish to be with a few close family members at this time. Email isfine, though I may not be able to get to it after monday morning

Be well Jerry....

Wonderful...

This truly was a wonderful weekend full of organized chaos. My mom and dad came into town Saturday afternoon. Molly babysat so we could go out to dinner Saturday night. Sunday morning was a beautiful and busy day. While waiting in the church service to have Grace baptized Grace was very vocal. I kept trying to hush her, explaining that this was church and you have to be quiet. I am not sure she listened. When it came time for us to come to the front of the church I carried Grace and she was just laughing. She loved that all the people in the congregation were looking at her. I mean she lives to be the center of attention. She smiled as the pastor dipped her head in the water and at the end she let out a loud but happy shriek and the pastor says. "I think that is her Amen!". Everyone laughed. It was great! After the service we headed back to our house for a full Southern Sunday lunch. Complete with homemade macaroni and cheese, turnip greens, honeybaked ham, creamed corn and pecan pie for desert. It was a wonderful weekend and one I will remember always. Love to all!